it was like eating out sand paper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
