And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
