Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
