i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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