i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
