Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I intend to get homeless drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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