so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
