1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
