If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she smelled like a LAN party
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
