Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can't motorboat a personality
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize