I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
