I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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