I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
