Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
