i think my mom watched the whole time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
