So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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