I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
