we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
