I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
