Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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