I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
