Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
