Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
