he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
