I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
