I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
