i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
