i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
