Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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