you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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