You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
