It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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