OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
