1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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