She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I love having hate sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
