I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
