I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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