When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
