All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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