if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
