People in love make me want to vomit
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
