If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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