I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
