The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
