I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
