Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
