I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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