Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
