I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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