I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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