Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
