I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm passing your future prison.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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