There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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