With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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