oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
