listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
