Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize
