I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
