I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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