bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
