Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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