I hate all girls vehemently.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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