Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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