it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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