Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
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my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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