I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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