i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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