i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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