I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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