i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
