at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
