:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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