i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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