I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
