hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
