Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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