I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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