My first STD was from a foam party
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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